What in tarnation is an Appalachian Haint

As Wikipedia defines a Haint, it is in traditional belief and fiction, a Haint (sometimes known as a spectre (British English) or specter (American English), phantom, apparition or ghost) is the soul or spirit of a dead person or animal that can appear, in visible form or other manifestation, to the living. Descriptions of the apparition of Haints vary widely from an invisible presence to translucent or barely visible wispy shapes, to realistic, lifelike visions. 

ghost w hat2 helloOur Appalachian Haint is "Hainty".  Now Hainty is a friendly, curious little feller that likes the living.  It has been known that Hainty, along with his friends, Jainty, Lainty, Bubba-Bainty, Sar-ainty and all their kin share a common joy that is "being entertained" by the living.   The only problem is most of the living don't believe in them.  So, Hainty came up with a great idea, if they lived in a sealed box with instructions to take care of them, they would be happy staying with their living family. 

Now, Hainty was very careful to make sure the living would understand its friends were shy and needed to feel safe in the presence of the living.  So, Hainty thought long and hard on this and came up with a solution.  Hainty placed a special seal on each box that would glow green when a Haint was in it.  This would alert the living they were not alone and to take care of their Haint. 

Hainty knew just like anyone else who was responsible for taking care of something, that they needed care instructions to insure the happiness of the Haint in the box.  So, again Hainty thought long and hard to make sure the following instructions would be the best ones for the safety of each Haint in a box.  Here is what Hainty came up with:

10 Simple Rules to take'n Care of Yer Haint Pet  
1. Name yer Haint.   6. Haint don't need no outhouse.
2. Fer Haint's safety, keep box shut (Haint's box)   7. Haint don't eat. It dead!
3. Open yer box, Haint be gone.   8. Teasing Haint...BAD IDEA!
4. Avoid hiccups, hang Haint up.   9. Haint quiet.  Haint Happy.
5. Haint don't smell, ain't that swell.   10. Don't be skeered of Haint, Haint ain't mean.

Hainty always said, "If yer smart, do as Momma sezs not as Pappa duz", so if you pay attention to the rules that Hainty so long and hard thought up with, you'll do fine with yer very own pet Haint.  Hainty also said, that his brother Bubba-Jo-Bainty Hainty likes to come visit from time to time the other Haints in a Box, so if yer box is tilting or the seal is glowing extra bright, you'll know who is there.  And, what about Pappa Hainty, you ask? Let's just say, he is in a baaaaaad place fer not list'in to Momma...poppahainty

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